its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
