Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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