My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
