No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
