yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I AM VODKA MAN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize