I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
