just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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