I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize