I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My vagina is officially offended.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize