i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We got so high we made milksteak
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
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