I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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