tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
