Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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