my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
