so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
