I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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