"it" just moved
I'm passing your future prison.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
