i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
