Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
