Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
