I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
