you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
