i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Boobs speak an international language.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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