I cockslap morals
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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