I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
