My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
