so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
FUCK WHALES
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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