id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize