i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
