Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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