U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
