why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
