So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
