Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
