Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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