I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
