some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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