its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
