ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
