can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
