I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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