Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
