that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
