hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
