I want to make a zoo with you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
