Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize