Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
