Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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