The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
