my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I could fuck to npr.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
