I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize