You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
