I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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