So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
