Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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