Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
