you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize