Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
