oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
