We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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