i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
