So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
