How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
