I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
