It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
babies were throwing up all over the place
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
