I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
