Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
