Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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