They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
