meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
