Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
